There has been a sense of déjà vu in recent days that makes one wonder if we have suddenly turned the clock back. First, we had Joe Biden meandering on stage, shouting inanities and having to be shown to his seat. Then we had Kamala Harris on The Late Night Show with Stephen Colbert – which one cynic pointed out was a meeting of a presidential candidate who blew billions with a comedy host who blew millions – bringing out her trademark laughter as she announced that she was out of the fight, hinting that she wouldn’t be throwing her hat in the ring to become the next presidential nominee.
Of course, a lot of things can change till 2028, but assuming that Harris indeed won’t run, who is going to emerge as the new nominee for the Democratic Party? The challenges are stark. The Democrats have lost young people, and there are now more registered Republicans than Democrats.
This isn’t just about finding a name—it’s about defining what the Democratic Party even is anymore. Is it the progressive project of AOC’s dreams, or the donor-class stability vessel that Barack Obama left behind? Is it pro-Israel or pro-protest? Is it the party of the working class, or of Harvard-educated influencers who think "DoorDash labour organiser" is a job?
Let’s run through the rogues’ gallery of Democratic hopefuls. Or, as they might be called in 2028—The Avengers: Post-Biden Edition.
1. Gavin Newsom : The Bizarro World President
If central casting needed a liberal president, they’d print Gavin Newsom’s headshot. Tall, telegenic, coiffed like a 1950s newscaster, and fluent in high-speed virtue signalling, the California Governor has spent the past five years running shadow diplomacy missions and trying to look more presidential than the actual president.
He debated Ron DeSantis. He did photo ops in Israel. He showed up in China. He posed on roofs during hurricanes. And all the while, his state slid deeper into fentanyl fog and tax exile. But that’s not the point.
The point is—he looks like a president. And in a Democratic Party starved of charisma, that counts.
Strengths: Fundraising juggernaut, fluent in donorese, adored by Hollywood
Weaknesses: Governs a failed state, reeks of elite detachment
X-Factor: Can win a wine cave primary, but not a Walmart general
2. Gretchen Whitmer : The Midwestern Macron
Michigan’s Governor, known affectionately to Democrats as “Big Gretch,” has walked the tightrope between competence and charisma with more grace than most. She governed a battleground state, survived a kidnapping plot, stood firm during COVID, and still managed to win re-election by over 10 points in 2022.
She doesn’t do the culture war pyrotechnics, but she does deliver results. Think of her as the Democratic Macron, minus the Napoleon complex and the pension riots.
Strengths: Midwest credibility, managerial competence, women’s vote magnet
Weaknesses: Boring to the Twitter left, BlueSky crowd; lacks the bicoastal buzz
X-Factor: If the party wants to win Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania again, this is the safest bet
3. Pete Buttigieg : Still Running on Word Count
Mayor Pete, now Secretary Pete, is still running. His campaign never really stopped. It just took a coffee break. He’s the overachieving class valedictorian who recites paragraphs instead of soundbites, can say "infrastructure" in seven languages, and still thinks his Rhodes Scholar halo blinds everyone from the fact that he once couldn’t fix potholes in South Bend.
He’s won over the McKinsey crowd, CNN panellists, and donors who confuse elegance with empathy. But can he win over actual voters?
Strengths: Media darling, debate robot, gay icon for MSNBC interns
Weaknesses: No working-class appeal, zero base among Black voters
X-Factor: If Bidenomics 2.0 gets rebranded as "Buttigieconomics," he’s in with a shot
4. Ro Khanna : The Progressives’ Peace Treaty Candidate
If the Democratic Party wants to avoid a civil war between the Bernie Bros and the Bidenites, Ro Khanna might be the compromise candidate. A Silicon Valley Congressman who speaks fluent progressivism but gets invited to Wall Street dinners, Khanna has mastered the art of sounding radical while being entirely palatable.
He’s been to picket lines. He’s been to Davos. He’s pitched anti-monopoly bills and praised the Pentagon budget. And he doesn’t frighten anyone—yet.
Strengths: Bridges left and centre, Indian-American appeal, won’t frighten swing voters
Weaknesses: Doesn’t have a base, too online, not a governor or senator
X-Factor: Could emerge if the convention deadlocks and the party needs a tech-progressive blend
5. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Queen of the Internet, Empress of Nothing
AOC turns 35 in 2029. You can almost hear the champagne corks popping in left-wing podcasts already. For a certain wing of the party, she’s not just a politician—she’s a worldview. She’s Instagram with ideology. She’s slogans with eyeliner. She’s hope in a reusable coffee cup.
But if she runs, the party will be forced to decide: are we about winning Pennsylvania steelworkers or Brooklyn brunch Marxists?
Strengths: Huge youth following, dominates discourse, raises small-dollar cash
Weaknesses: Radioactive in rural America, will lose Florida by 20 points
X-Factor: Could define the future of the party—even in defeat
6. Josh Shapiro : The Jewish DeSantis?
The Governor of Pennsylvania has flown under the radar, but his resume is exactly what Democrats should want. He’s tough on crime (for real), defended democracy in 2020, and won statewide in a swing state with 56% of the vote. He talks like a lawyer, governs like a prosecutor, and prays like a mensch. His only crime? He doesn’t tweet much but his religion was a downside in 2024, and the reason Tim Walz was picked over him as the Democratic VP nominee.
Strengths: Swing-state credibility, popular with moderates, real executive experience
Weaknesses: Low national profile, no viral charisma
X-Factor: If voters are done with performative politics, Shapiro could be the sleeper pick
7. Jared Polis: The Libertarian Democrat Nobody Ordered
The Governor of Colorado is that rare breed—a Democrat who believes in freedom and low taxes. He’s gay, rich, Jewish, pro-business, pro-drug-legalisation, and anti-red tape. In short: the kind of Democrat you can’t explain at brunch.
He governed well during COVID, cut taxes, and expanded healthcare—without triggering inflation spirals. But will Democrats vote for someone who sounds like a Silicon Valley Republican?
Strengths: Policy wonk with results, libertarian-left fusion
Weaknesses: No national presence, could alienate base
X-Factor: Could split the field and make it messy for frontrunners
8. The Kamala Reversal?
Never say never. Politicians don’t retire. They just lie low until the applause gets loud again. If Trump wins a second term and the world doesn’t end, there might be nostalgia for the old Obama-Biden era—and Kamala might return as its ghost. She’s still got name recognition, a massive donor list, and no shame in rebooting failed campaigns. If the others cannibalise each other, Harris might just laugh her way back into the race.
What About Michelle?
You’re joking, right? Michelle Obama has less interest in running for president than Joe Manchin has in becoming vegan. Yes, she polls well. Yes, she gives good speeches. But she’s never held elected office and has never expressed interest. So unless she pulls a Taylor Swift Eras Tour: DNC Edition, this isn’t happening.
Final Thought: The Vibes Are Off
The Democrats aren’t just in search of a nominee. They’re in search of a reason to exist. The party has spent the last four years nursing a 2024 hangover, while Trump has walked back into the Oval Office like it was a hotel suite he forgot he’d already booked. Trump has energy, myth, and momentum. He has grievance and glamour. He’s the antihero in a country addicted to drama. The Democrats? They’ve got committees. They’ve got consultants. They’ve got more feelings about pronouns than they do about basic governance—and voters have noticed.
The cost of living is up. The border is a mess. Cities are fraying. And instead of answering those problems with conviction, the party seems stuck in a loop of jargon, hashtags, and DEI panels. It's not that America is getting more conservative. It's that Democrats sound like they're auditioning for a grad seminar instead of a national campaign. If the 2028 nominee doesn’t offer voters something real—something that doesn’t sound like it was written by an AI prompt trained on MSNBC scripts—then brace yourself.
Because The Trumpening: Part III is no longer a joke. It’s the default setting.
Of course, a lot of things can change till 2028, but assuming that Harris indeed won’t run, who is going to emerge as the new nominee for the Democratic Party? The challenges are stark. The Democrats have lost young people, and there are now more registered Republicans than Democrats.
This isn’t just about finding a name—it’s about defining what the Democratic Party even is anymore. Is it the progressive project of AOC’s dreams, or the donor-class stability vessel that Barack Obama left behind? Is it pro-Israel or pro-protest? Is it the party of the working class, or of Harvard-educated influencers who think "DoorDash labour organiser" is a job?
Let’s run through the rogues’ gallery of Democratic hopefuls. Or, as they might be called in 2028—The Avengers: Post-Biden Edition.
1. Gavin Newsom : The Bizarro World President
If central casting needed a liberal president, they’d print Gavin Newsom’s headshot. Tall, telegenic, coiffed like a 1950s newscaster, and fluent in high-speed virtue signalling, the California Governor has spent the past five years running shadow diplomacy missions and trying to look more presidential than the actual president.
He debated Ron DeSantis. He did photo ops in Israel. He showed up in China. He posed on roofs during hurricanes. And all the while, his state slid deeper into fentanyl fog and tax exile. But that’s not the point.
The point is—he looks like a president. And in a Democratic Party starved of charisma, that counts.
Strengths: Fundraising juggernaut, fluent in donorese, adored by Hollywood
Weaknesses: Governs a failed state, reeks of elite detachment
X-Factor: Can win a wine cave primary, but not a Walmart general
2. Gretchen Whitmer : The Midwestern Macron
Michigan’s Governor, known affectionately to Democrats as “Big Gretch,” has walked the tightrope between competence and charisma with more grace than most. She governed a battleground state, survived a kidnapping plot, stood firm during COVID, and still managed to win re-election by over 10 points in 2022.
She doesn’t do the culture war pyrotechnics, but she does deliver results. Think of her as the Democratic Macron, minus the Napoleon complex and the pension riots.
Strengths: Midwest credibility, managerial competence, women’s vote magnet
Weaknesses: Boring to the Twitter left, BlueSky crowd; lacks the bicoastal buzz
X-Factor: If the party wants to win Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania again, this is the safest bet
3. Pete Buttigieg : Still Running on Word Count
Mayor Pete, now Secretary Pete, is still running. His campaign never really stopped. It just took a coffee break. He’s the overachieving class valedictorian who recites paragraphs instead of soundbites, can say "infrastructure" in seven languages, and still thinks his Rhodes Scholar halo blinds everyone from the fact that he once couldn’t fix potholes in South Bend.
He’s won over the McKinsey crowd, CNN panellists, and donors who confuse elegance with empathy. But can he win over actual voters?
Strengths: Media darling, debate robot, gay icon for MSNBC interns
Weaknesses: No working-class appeal, zero base among Black voters
X-Factor: If Bidenomics 2.0 gets rebranded as "Buttigieconomics," he’s in with a shot
4. Ro Khanna : The Progressives’ Peace Treaty Candidate
If the Democratic Party wants to avoid a civil war between the Bernie Bros and the Bidenites, Ro Khanna might be the compromise candidate. A Silicon Valley Congressman who speaks fluent progressivism but gets invited to Wall Street dinners, Khanna has mastered the art of sounding radical while being entirely palatable.
He’s been to picket lines. He’s been to Davos. He’s pitched anti-monopoly bills and praised the Pentagon budget. And he doesn’t frighten anyone—yet.
Strengths: Bridges left and centre, Indian-American appeal, won’t frighten swing voters
Weaknesses: Doesn’t have a base, too online, not a governor or senator
X-Factor: Could emerge if the convention deadlocks and the party needs a tech-progressive blend
5. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Queen of the Internet, Empress of Nothing
AOC turns 35 in 2029. You can almost hear the champagne corks popping in left-wing podcasts already. For a certain wing of the party, she’s not just a politician—she’s a worldview. She’s Instagram with ideology. She’s slogans with eyeliner. She’s hope in a reusable coffee cup.
But if she runs, the party will be forced to decide: are we about winning Pennsylvania steelworkers or Brooklyn brunch Marxists?
Strengths: Huge youth following, dominates discourse, raises small-dollar cash
Weaknesses: Radioactive in rural America, will lose Florida by 20 points
X-Factor: Could define the future of the party—even in defeat
6. Josh Shapiro : The Jewish DeSantis?
The Governor of Pennsylvania has flown under the radar, but his resume is exactly what Democrats should want. He’s tough on crime (for real), defended democracy in 2020, and won statewide in a swing state with 56% of the vote. He talks like a lawyer, governs like a prosecutor, and prays like a mensch. His only crime? He doesn’t tweet much but his religion was a downside in 2024, and the reason Tim Walz was picked over him as the Democratic VP nominee.
Strengths: Swing-state credibility, popular with moderates, real executive experience
Weaknesses: Low national profile, no viral charisma
X-Factor: If voters are done with performative politics, Shapiro could be the sleeper pick
7. Jared Polis: The Libertarian Democrat Nobody Ordered
The Governor of Colorado is that rare breed—a Democrat who believes in freedom and low taxes. He’s gay, rich, Jewish, pro-business, pro-drug-legalisation, and anti-red tape. In short: the kind of Democrat you can’t explain at brunch.
He governed well during COVID, cut taxes, and expanded healthcare—without triggering inflation spirals. But will Democrats vote for someone who sounds like a Silicon Valley Republican?
Strengths: Policy wonk with results, libertarian-left fusion
Weaknesses: No national presence, could alienate base
X-Factor: Could split the field and make it messy for frontrunners
8. The Kamala Reversal?
Never say never. Politicians don’t retire. They just lie low until the applause gets loud again. If Trump wins a second term and the world doesn’t end, there might be nostalgia for the old Obama-Biden era—and Kamala might return as its ghost. She’s still got name recognition, a massive donor list, and no shame in rebooting failed campaigns. If the others cannibalise each other, Harris might just laugh her way back into the race.
What About Michelle?
You’re joking, right? Michelle Obama has less interest in running for president than Joe Manchin has in becoming vegan. Yes, she polls well. Yes, she gives good speeches. But she’s never held elected office and has never expressed interest. So unless she pulls a Taylor Swift Eras Tour: DNC Edition, this isn’t happening.
Final Thought: The Vibes Are Off
The Democrats aren’t just in search of a nominee. They’re in search of a reason to exist. The party has spent the last four years nursing a 2024 hangover, while Trump has walked back into the Oval Office like it was a hotel suite he forgot he’d already booked. Trump has energy, myth, and momentum. He has grievance and glamour. He’s the antihero in a country addicted to drama. The Democrats? They’ve got committees. They’ve got consultants. They’ve got more feelings about pronouns than they do about basic governance—and voters have noticed.
The cost of living is up. The border is a mess. Cities are fraying. And instead of answering those problems with conviction, the party seems stuck in a loop of jargon, hashtags, and DEI panels. It's not that America is getting more conservative. It's that Democrats sound like they're auditioning for a grad seminar instead of a national campaign. If the 2028 nominee doesn’t offer voters something real—something that doesn’t sound like it was written by an AI prompt trained on MSNBC scripts—then brace yourself.
Because The Trumpening: Part III is no longer a joke. It’s the default setting.
You may also like
Liverpool legend Michael Owen sparks fashion debate after wearing no socks to Goodwood
UK tourists cancel Majorca holidays as they're 'more welcome in Greece'
Hungarian GP qualifying: Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri denied as Fernando Alonso shines
Hungarian GP qualifying results: Leclerc stuns McLaren as Hamilton slips up
BBC Gavin and Stacey's Mathew Horne choked up as he announces colleague death
